Are people only friends with me because I'm a healing professional?
I started my business in 2020 and have been navigating the tricky world of boundaries ever since.
I immediately noticed a difference in people’s response to me as I started opening up about my personal life and spiritual journey online.
I share anything from coming out as bisexual after leaving religion to being a survivor of sexual trauma.
I’ve always loved when people resonate with my personal shares. The heart of everything I post is to help others feel seen. I believe the most healing practice we can do for another is to truly see them.
I’ve met so many incredible people who have supported me since offering $20 readings on Twitter. I’ve been able to trade services with other practitioners and read tarot for psychologists, authors, and astrologers. Being in the healing space is the honor of a lifetime and I know I’m on my soul’s destined path.
There are so many people who value my time and emotional energy.
I see you and I appreciate you!!!
Being a healing professional is amazing and it also comes with specific challenges. I’ve had to implement strong boundaries because we live in a society that doesn’t value women’s emotional labor.
I’ve had an interesting time navigating friendships as a therapist, spiritual coach, and professional psychic.
I’ve met incredible healers on social media where we can both network and provide friendship to each other.
I’ve also befriended people in this field (and outside of) who I later realized sought me out because of my profession.
I’ll be more direct…
I know people have only sought me out as a friend because they’re looking to get an emotional need met for free.
Of course we all have emotional needs and they deserve to be met.
However, it has felt exploitative when people want me as a friend because they see my work. I’ve left first friend dates thinking, “wait….they talked about themselves the entire time.”
Vulnerability is special when two people are co creating that space together.
One sided trauma dumping on someone because they are a therapist is an entirely different experience.
I’ve had to become intentional about differentiating between friendships, clients, and people who are both.
I have a lot of critiques about the rigidity of the mental health field buuuut I do enjoy that this conundrum never happens with my therapy clients.
(You can take a breath therapy friends. I’m referring to my intuitive work and coaching services.)
I don’t follow my therapy clients on social media.
We will never be friends. I see my therapy clients for their weekly session and then don’t see them again until the next session.
It’s straightforward and clear.
I never have to navigate boundaries in the way I’ve had to do with the spiritual side of my business. This is because the coaching/intuitive/tarot space is an unregulated field. There are both pros and cons to this experience.
The pros are that I enjoy being friends with people I read for. I’ve met so many great people from all around the world because of my job. I love keeping up with my tarot clients and being able to see their reading come to life via instagram. It’s so cool to me.
The cons are that people sometimes think we are friends just because I’ve offered emotional space for them. Sometimes my caring-ness can get misinterpreted for friendship. Again, I am friends with *some* people I’ve read for. However, this is only because we’ve invested in each OTHER outside of the session I’m providing for you.
The cons are when people start intentionally or unintentionally exploiting my emotional/spiritual labor.
I’ve had people message me and ask for discounted readings. Even though I’ve had a working website with updated services and pricing for 5 years.
Every time this happens….it stings ngl.
I’ll be truthful here…it’s offensive.
I’m tired of sugar coating this experience as if it’s okay.
If you think this blog is about you….it’s not. I have a notebook of experiences from the 5 years I’ve been in this space.
I am writing this to hold myself to more intentional boundaries.
There’s a certain value that comes with labor we can visually see.
We can see someone painting nails.
We can see someone shaving a beard.
We can see someone providing a golf lesson.
We can’t see channeling.
This work is qualitative versus quantitive.
People would never ask their doctor friend to quickly come over for a physical exam.
People would never text their construction friend to randomly come over for a donation bathroom remodel.
So why do people think it’s okay to text me Tuesday at 10pm for a reading in which they’ll pay me a few dollars to “check in on something?”
Let me be very clear…I love providing accessible tarot readings to my community.
Accessibility and sliding scale services have always been an important pillar in my business. Whenever I offer donation services it’s because it feels good for me. I would never offer a donation service and then be pissed that a client booked it.
However, it angers me when there is no sliding scale option posted and I’m receiving random messages to provide reduced services.
It feels disrespectful even though I know that’s not the intention.
Intention versus impact.
I can’t tell you how many random high school acquaintances have messaged me for “emergency readings.” (I’ve never offered emergency readings btw.)
These are the same people who never support my work.
I respond by sending over my booking link and letting them know where they can schedule.
I don’t necessarily blame the individual for undervaluing my emotional and spiritual labor. It’s deeply ingrained in society that women’s emotional labor is expected.
“Why would therapists need more money? They’re HELPING. Don’t they enjoy helping people?!”
Yes, we do AND-
Unpaid emotional labor has never paid anyone’s bills.
I’ve worked really hard to unlearn this indoctrination that also lives within me. I’ve also belittled my own work because of this messaging. It’s left me broke, exhausted, and in extremely dangerous situations.
There have been so many times I’ve crossed my own boundaries because of this toxic rhetoric.
“They’re going through a tough time…it will only take a few seconds to help.”
RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RED ALERT MORGAN!!!!
I’ve undercharged when it didn’t feel aligned.
I’ve pulled cards for people who see me as a 24/7 spiritual convenience store.
I’ve replied to messages from people asking for free advice or spiritual insight. “What does this sign mean?” “How should I approach this?”
I’m aware I can’t sit here and blame everyone else without taking radical accountability. This is on me too!!!
I’ve put other people’s needs above my own and I am so sick of doing that.
As much as I’ve grown and have implemented boundaries….I know there is more work to be done.
Everyone wants the healer friend in their life until the healer friend also has feelings.
Everyone wants the therapist friend until they say, “No. I will not do that labor for you. Go pay someone who will.”
I am not an emotionally intelligent person by happenstance.
I am an intelligent, skilled practitioner because I’ve been in consistent therapy for a decade.
People feel seen in my presence because of my own commitment to personal development.
I’m a trauma informed practitioner because I spend my free time learning and educating myself.
I have over $80,000 in student loans between 2 college degrees.
I’ve taken reiki, tarot, and psychic development courses that also cost me thousands of dollars.
I am not a good ass therapist and psychic because God gave me this gift.
God gave me the seed and I had to grow it into a fucking plant.
People don’t understand that working in the healing space isn’t just about showing up to the session. It’s a lifestyle. Being a healing professional is more about what happens outside of client sessions. I can’t party and then show up to a reading hoping for a clear channel. I have to say no to certain things to be able to show up properly for my clients.
That is not resentment but a fact of my life. Being in this profession has helped me become a healthier person in so many aspects.
People also fail to understand the exploitation that happens in healing spaces, especially the mental health field.
I already had to provide free and low cost emotional labor to even get my degree.
Actually… I had to pay to do free labor.
I’m so fucking done with that.
I’m currently still living paycheck to paycheck due to years of being underpaid in this field and the debt I accrued. I’m also still currently on public assistance. I also don’t currently have transportation.
No…I don’t want you to play a tiny violin for me. Well, unless you want to. ; )
I do want to express the anger I feel because I know I’m not the only one.
I do want to paint a clear picture that I’m still struggling in this economy while holding space for others.
I know I also still carry immense privilege in this area compared to BIPOC therapists and healers.
I see you, queer healers.
I see you, women healers.
I see you, trans healers.
Emotional labor is fucking labor and labor deserves compensation.
Now…let me not just talk about it. Let me also be about it.
Here’s how I’m going to *try* and implement better boundaries moving forward:
Directing people to my services (I offer free consults for this reason)
Letting people know about my donation readings as an accessible option
Not doing intuitive work for free
Getting clearer on my boundaries on social media and my website
Continuing to gradually raise my prices because I know I continue to undercharge out of fear/lack
To my healing professionals/therapists/spiritual workers:
Thank you.
You make the world a better and safer place.
You deserve to have your basic needs met AND THEN SOME.
Your gifts are not gifts by happenstance. You’ve put in the fucking work to be able to show up and give.
Keep checking in with your own boundaries.
If you feel resentful…that’s a message that deserves to be listened to.
I am proud of you.
I am proud of us.