I'm horny for change but not like this universe
I'm tired of this grandpa!!!
“Show me how good it gets,” I announced to the universe as I popped an edible into my mouth.
Lately a bite of a 5mg gummy has been what I need to catch a fucking break for a moment.
The gummy kicked in and I started fantasizing about different DoorDash orders I could get.
“Should I?!”
“I shouldn’t!!” As if ordering food is a naughty, forbidden act that I shouldn’t be doing. In this economy…it feels exactly like that.
I always play this cat and mouse game with DD. The “game” usually ends with me letting out a loud sigh and closing the app in anger.
Nine times out of ten I never go through with ordering because of #moneyguilt. Some of y’all wouldn’t understand this and it shows.
I was abruptly pulled from my introvert fantasy as water began gushing from the ceiling onto my hardwood floor. I jumped up as panic coursed through my body.
There are literally no days off for my nervous system. Juuuust as I was getting comfortable in my location……
The water started flooding in my “office” aka the closet with a wooden board on the wall as my desk.
Ahhh. This must be The Tower card I kept pulling related to my business.
My literal office turning into Niagra Falls.
This moment was for sure giving The Tower.
I ran to both of my neighbors doors to see if their places were flooding. No one answered as I started thinking of my next steps.
I submitted an emergency work order and started calling everyone I knew related to my apartment complex.
I hate being around people while high and now I had to solve a crisis?!!! This was literally my worst nightmare.
I didn’t have time to politely ask the property manager for help.
“You need to get here right now!!!!”
“You can submit a work order. I’m at the grocery.”
Cool cool cool.
I looked back at the ceiling and started seeing bubbles forming like dirty diapers.
The woman property manager would later tell me she called off the plumbers because she just “figured it was a drip.” I was quickly reminded how women are deemed as dramatic even when their ceiling is caving in.
“Why would you do that?! I told you it was an emergency.”
“I see that now,” she said.
Of course there has to be proof for women to be believed. Even when it’s by other fucking women.
I packed my suitcase while moving my valuables to my bedroom. My brain was going through the essentials of what I needed to bring with me in case I couldn’t come back.
I wasn’t well. This was truly the straw that broke Morgan’s fucking SPINE.
I called my older sister for advice and she advised I leave immediately. For some reason I thought I should stay to help?!?!!
This is why a calm person is essential during crisis. I usually performed well under pressure but there was too many obstacles in this particular crisis.
I knew I needed to leave but how…..
I didn’t have a car. I don’t currently have a car. I couldn’t just leave with my two cats and all of our belongings.
My sister couldn’t come get me because she was in a mountain town living her best life.
I felt so stuck.
I heard a previous therapist’s voice in my head that affirmed this experience was a really big deal.
“Trauma is when you feel stuck in a situation and that you’ll never get out of it.”
Oof.
My quick solutions were being met with more and more opposition.
I started texting any friend I could think of.
Close friends.
New friends.
Oh!!!! I almost forgot to mention… I even text my ex girlfriend!!!
In fairness…she used to be a mom to my cats so I figured she would help in an emergency.
Wrong-oh!! *grinch voice.*
Unfortunately this wouldn’t be the first time we’ve had to evacuate an unsafe environment in a hurry. I hate that I had to do this to my cats yet again.
The ceiling bubbles grew and so did my anxiety.
Water dripped on the property manager’s head and she acted as if this was a normal Sunday night for both of us.
I left my ex a voicemail that sounded like this:
“Hey so….sorry if this is overstepping but my apartment is currently flooding and I don’t have anywhere to take the cats right now.”
She replied immediately and said “her current living situation wouldn’t support that.” I wondered what that meant but absolutely did NOT want to know.
“I hate that this is happening to you guys!”
Whatever.
Every plan wasn’t working out and I felt like I was on a fucking timer.
My god sent friend, Q, replied and said she was on the way immediately.
Saved by the bell!!!
Q pulled up in her cheetah coat and false lashes ready to save the day before she hit the club later that night.
“You want to come with us tonight?”
We briefly giggled because I was so far from club ready.
My property manager looked confused as she muttered, “You’re leaving?”
As if she didn’t see me running around throwing shit in a suitcase the past 30 minutes. I’m usually for the girls but she was about to get a knuckle sandwich in this hoe if she didn’t stop acting like this wasn’t a big fucking deal.
“Um yeah? The ceiling is about to come down and this place is not livable.”
I threw my poor baby girls in their carriers and got the fuck out of dodge.
Q held my hand as I softly cried in the backseat.
“Why me? Why can’t I just have stability?” I thought to myself.
I asked for spirit to take me to my highest timeline.
Well here we were.
Change was in the fucking room with us.
Emergency maintenance eventually let me into my sister’s apartment. He made sure I knew how inconvenient we were.
I had to provide empathy for people who were supposed to be doing their literal job. Look…I get it. No one wants to leave their home at 9pm on a Saturday but I was getting pissed that somehow this was my fucking fault.
I’ve been displaced since Saturday night and supposedly my apartment will be finished by Thursday. *eye roll*
I’ve written wordy emails, contacted the housing authority, and currently withholding my rent. THIS shit for fucking $1565?! Fuck that.
I can’t help but sit with the fact mercury is retrograde, venus is retrograde, annnndd it’s eclipse season.
“What leaves and enters your life during this time is for your highest good.” All of the social media astrologers have been living in my head rent free.
I do feel as though there’s a deeper purpose here.
That I’m being eclipsed out of my lease into something better. Who knows…I may move back in Thursday and all will be well.
However, intuitively I’ve been feeling for months that I won’t be staying the full time throughout my lease.
Annnnd here we are.
I have been needing a change…..
…..maybe it had to be in such a dramatic way? Holy shit universe!! The theatrics are crazy!?
I’m not going to guess what comes next.
All I know is right now I’m safe with my kitten girls and that’s what matters. Ugh.
I am angry and I am exhausted.
I knew I was horny for change….
….I just didn’t think it would be like THIS.
Kinda crazy that Mercury RX and Venus RX dipped back into watery Pisces as this was happening to you 😩 glad you and the girls are safe!!! 🫶🏼